When I was in college, I took a writing class that required me to write an article with a list of 10 things. This is what I came up with... in case you didn't believe me when I told you how much I love food! haha Anyway, I found this and I thought it might be kind of fun to post... the article is written to be sarcastic but I really do go by some (ok, most) of these rules! :)
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“10 Reasons to Blow a Diet and NOT Feel Guilty”
Let’s face it; we live in a diet-crazed nation. We are all concerned with our figures and we are all fascinated with the latest fad diet. Let’s also face it that by “we” I mean women, who are expected to be perfect- or at least that’s what we think. So, in order to achieve perfection we endure persecution and say, “No” to the foods we love so dearly. In fact, I would go so far as to say that if you are reading this and you think that what I’m saying does not apply to you, you are lying to yourself.
However, I bring good news. Although I can’t say that you will achieve a perfect body without ever dieting or that there is a newly discovered “chocolate cake diet,” I do want to shine a bright spot in the gloom of your inevitable self-deprivation. Every good dieter deserves a break, a chance to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, all of which, of course, are food related. So here we go- 10 reasons to blow your diet (whichever one you may be on) without feeling even remotely guilty, a true release from your ball and chain. Before I give you these reasons, however, I have to say that when you find that one of them applies, you can blow an entire day, not just one meager meal.
1. Holidays. Not only is it a sin to diet on a holiday, it’s also downright rude to neglect the feast that your loved ones or the nearby catering company or the chef at your favorite restaurant have worked so very hard to create. No matter what anyone tells you, it is impossible to truly celebrate a holiday unless you are also celebrating the delicacies that the given holiday provides.
In case there is any confusion as to the definition of a holiday, feel free to live by my personal rule: When a day is in question, it is indeed a holiday. Some of the holidays less likely to be celebrated (food wise) include; Mardi Gras, Cinco De Mayo, Mother’s and Father’s days, Memorial Day, Flag Day, Ground Hog Day, Columbus Day and the Ides of March.
Oh and one other thing, if your family traditionally celebrates Christmas, you may also splurge during Hanukah and Kwanza and whatever other holidays you may hear that someone somewhere on the other side of the world may be celebrating. I would suggest that you do extensive research on the holidays of every nation, religion, culture and ethnic group.
Finally, please remember that, because it’s about you, your birthday is the most significant holiday of all and can be celebrated beyond a 24-hour period. In addition to the celebration of your birthday, you must also celebrate your half birthday and birthdays of your close friends and immediate or even extended family members (because no person should have to enjoy his or her birthday alone.) Happy Holidays.
2. Special Events. Closely related to holidays but not necessarily the same, are weddings, showers, the birth of a baby, parties of any kind, carnivals, fairs, the circus, concerts, anniversaries, conventions, important meetings, first dates, blind dates, good dates, the season premier or season finale of your favorite television series, the Super Bowl, the World Cup, the World Series, NBA Championships, whenever your favorite sports team has a big game, or if you’re not a sports fan then whenever someone you know is excited about an upcoming sporting event, the Grammy’s, the Academy Awards, the Tony Awards, the Emmy Awards, the Golden Globes, the People’s Choice Awards, and well, you get the idea. The possibilities are truly infinite.
3. Weekends. The office is closed. School is out. Your family is back together. What better way to celebrate than with food? You deserve a break from cooking and your kids deserve donuts on Saturday morning. Don’t disappoint and don’t be rude to the Krispy Kreme employee when he or she tries to hand you a hot, fresh, glazed donut. After all, we already learned that any successful dieter needs something to look forward to…. Why not let it be the weekend?
4. Relationships Gone Bad. Nothing makes us girls want to eat more than a broken relationship. Whether you loved the boy and the boy didn’t love you or the boy loved you and you didn’t love the boy, nothing can fill the void of a lost love like a trip to the bakery, the frozen-food section, and the snack food aisle at your local grocery store. We’ve all suffered the misery of a broken heart, but if you somehow missed out on this joyful experience, empathize with your next brokenhearted friend. I recommend an entire birthday cake, pepperoni pizza, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, double-stuffed Oreos, puffy Chetos, and peanut butter M&M’s… but that’s just me.
Side note: If you are married, hopefully you won’t ever again experience a broken relationship. But don’t worry, the opportunity to break your diet will come around again one day when your precious children get their hearts broken… and then your grandchildren, great grandchildren, etc.
5. In Celebration of a Goal. This is one of my personal favorites, because it seems to be especially rewarding. I usually apply this to a diet goal (however exceptions can be made if you feel that you have achieved a goal deserving of a reward outside of the diet category). For example, if I were to set a goal of not eating chocolate for a month and I successfully made it that far along without eating chocolate (not counting previously or soon-to-be mentioned exceptions) then I would reward myself with an entire day of chocolate delicacies.
This can also be applied to a goal of losing weight for a cause (wedding, high school or family reunion, swimsuit season, getting back your pre-baby body, health reasons, etc.). If you lose your specified amount of weight in the allotted amount of time (or you at least get pretty close), then you should absolutely reward yourself with the edible gifts that you have been avoiding. Set your goal, reach your goal, and reward yourself. It’s simple, really.
6. Exceptionally Stressful Days. You can’t get much simpler than this. That’s all there is to it, some days are just stressful- really stressful- and while food won’t make the stress go away, it will certainly allow you to temporarily break from the stress and pressure of everyday life. When Kit Kat said that you would be given a break by breaking off a piece of a Kit Kat bar, they weren’t lying. Try it sometime.
7. Rainy Days. Some people might say that this reason isn’t valid but deep down, they agree that rainy days call for comfort food that just doesn’t come in “low fat.” I don’t care who you are, if you wake up on a dark rainy morning, all you want to do is go back to sleep. When you finally do get up, you want to stay in your pajamas, make pancakes and watch your favorite movies all day. Do it. (Caution: If you are a resident of Seattle, WA, where it rains every day, please disregard this advice.)
8. Limited Time Promotions. Reason eight is not only one of my favorites, it could indeed be my very favorite simply because it is unpredictable and can surprise you with an unexpected ticket to calorie heaven. This occurs when your favorite (or not so favorite) restaurant is having a special promotion that won’t be around long such as a holiday dessert or an item prepared with seasonal ingredients. No matter the circumstance, you are encouraged to indulge in whatever is being promoted (as many times as you can in your selected 24-hour period, which begins with your discovery of the item’s availability).
9. Vacations. Splurging on vacations is important for two reasons; you can’t truly relax if you have to worry about what you are eating and you can’t truly experience your vacation destination if you can’t enjoy the local flavors and cultural cuisines. So relax, experience, enjoy and know that it’s OK to ask for more honey-roasted peanuts on your 50-minute connecting flight. Vacation calories don’t count.
10. That Time of the Month. Dare I say it? Just the mention of it makes you hungry. You are grumpy, you are tired, and you are hungry after every meal. If you’re craving it, just eat it. If you just ate it and you are still craving it, eat it again. PMS is probably a result of women who are avoiding their cravings because of some crazy diet. You can’t diet and still be sane during that dreadful week, so just don’t. Seriously, who needs Midol when they could have dark chocolate?
Ladies, enjoy this list but don’t abuse it. Please only cheat on your diet if you are sure (or at least pretty sure) that you are having one of these 10 types of days. This will not only make dieting on regular days much easier, but it is guaranteed to make you a generally happier person. Now go enjoy whatever it is that you are craving. It’s not every day that you find out such wonderful news as what you have just read, I would say that today is definitely a “Special Event.”
